Chronic Illness is hard...

     Sometimes being chronically ill is hard. I am used to the appointments, the medications, the pain, the feeling like crap, what I am not used to, and what I will never get used to, is the fact others are disappointed in me because I need rest, or I can't do certain things. I am feeling like I would be better off if I just had no relationships with anyone,and just kept to myself. At least then I have no one to disappoint, and hearing the people you care about the most say to you that they are sick of you not being able to do anything, to be told that I am lucky I do not have to work right now, that I have it made and they wish they could have it as easy as me, well...it hurts. I really feel right now as though no one can possibly understand. I really do not feel as though I am anything right now to people but a bother. Someone people invite places out of it being the proper thing to do, but not really being into being with me because I can't do what they can. I dunno. I am very close to shutting down again, pushing everyone out of my world and being alone. It really hurts less.