Me at age 15
Tamara,
I know this may be a lot to ask, but please hear me out. I know how cynical you are, and how much pain you are in right now. I know right now you want to die and are going to try to do it. I know how confused you are, and I want to tell you not to allow that to break you. I can assure you that those who treated you the worst eventually get the lives they deserve. You might ask me how I know this. I am you 20 years in the future. I know that you have it hard. I know about the abuse, the bullying. I know about you being sick and in and out of hospitals and homes. I know how you feel completely alienated from the world, like you do not belong. These experiences will make you into a much stronger person, capable of love and compassion. You will make a difference. I could go on about the mistakes you will inevitably make in the future, but that is not going to help you at all. In fact if you avoid these mistakes you will not end up where you are right now, with the people in your life you have right now. You have some of the best friends anyone can ever have, family that is amazing, including two nieces and a nephew, and right at this moment you have a guy who you like and likes you back. I know you were always overlooked in the love department so I had to throw that fact in. No, what I can say to you is, despite all the things you will do, all the things you will go through, you are strong enough and brave enough to not give up. The sunshine comes after the darkness, you will emerge a butterfly. Yes, you will struggle. Just don’t make the mistake of giving up. Don’t you EVER give up on yourself. Don’t EVER let anyone define you. Even if certain people hurt you, abuse you, and tear you down to nothing know that you are special. That you matter. That, while life is not perfect for you, you are perfect. You are loved, and you are the reason why so many people smile. You. In fact one day you will save someone’s life, did you know that? In fact it will be in about a year from the date you read this. You will be volunteering in the hospital, and you will be bringing flowers to a man who is hopeless. He will tell you to throw the flowers on his grave. This man has no family visiting him and he is dying of cancer and has given up. You, at age 16 will tell him not to talk like that, and when he tells you to go away, you will sit down and tell him that you know what it is like to give up. That even if his family doesn’t care you do. You will hold his hand and talk with him for about a half an hour, and go back to see him every day. One day you will go back there to find he was released, and he was healthy. You would have been the one to give him hope.Given him the strength to fight. And that is what you will do. Give hope to people. Through your life experience you will make a difference. I can’t tell you what the future holds past my time. I do know you will one day be the one who needs the hope, but trust that someone will come along and give that to you, just as you once gave hope to someone else. Remember honey, the future is yours, and no event is worth taking a beautiful person out of this world. Life is not so bad. In fact, even though you feel way too deeply, are too sensitive sometimes, and choose to fade into the background most days you are amazing. One more thing. Remember that chasing money and materials will always hurt you. Keep on the path of love and remember what you were taught about love and life. You will be okay, I promise.
With Love,
Tamara (June 6, 2012)
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